Working Through Silence

“More participation is encouraged.”

As hard as I worked, and the many deadlines I’ve met, all my report cards said say the same thing. I know I’m not the only one who’ll look to the right of their report card and see the same comment and I also know I’m not the only quiet kid.

Back in elementary school, speaking was not my forte. Let me tell you what I’ve learned from it:

In middle school, we studied debating. I was good at coming up with arguments and I liked writing them. I could pull points out of thin air and have them down on paper. I loved it. My arguments were strong and grand. You’d think this meant that I would do well in a debate – I thought that too – but then came to our first mock debate.

My grand arguments became whispers. My strong points became stuck in my throat. You could hear my classmates whisper; “I can’t hear her.” The 3 minutes I had to speak seemed to go on for years.

Although I had something to say, I didn’t know how to communicate it. I was too quiet and didn’t know why. Soon I would learn that it was out of fear. I was worried that others wouldn’t agree with what I said, or that my arguments weren’t as good as I originally thought. Many worries flooded my brain the second it was my turn to speak.

After that long debate, I decided this wasn’t how I wanted things to go. I had arguments, and ideas, all that was left to do was share them. I was determined to fight my fears. Even though I did terribly in my first debate, even though my whole class knew it, I volunteered to be a part of the next mock debate, then the next, and then the one after that. I assessed my mistakes each time and resolved to do better. I practiced my speaking in front of mirrors and in rebuttals with my mother, and I focused hard on thinking of responses quickly. When my teacher announced that four students would participate in a debate competition against other schools, I told him I wanted to be a part of the team. Some of my classmates still remembered our first debate, where I either stumbled on a word or didn’t even blurt it out. This competition was my chance to prove them wrong. Maybe I wasn’t the best debater out there, but I knew I worked hard enough for a spot on the team. In a few weeks, I would learn if my practice and hard work paid off.

So, did it?

I made the team! On the day of the competition, I had 4 debates and I did well in all of them. Through practice, I gained confidence in my voice and wasn’t afraid of what I had to say. I learned to take what I know and share it without fear. Throughout the day, I made grand arguments, my points were as strong as cinder blocks, and everyone heard me. The rebuttals were my favourite part. My responses were smart and sharp.

Through that experience, I learned speaking is important because everyone has different ideas and without communicating them, we risk these ideas going to waste. It’s one thing to have thoughts and understandings, but it’s another thing to share them.

There is definitely nothing wrong with being quiet; however, there is a problem when you’re afraid of your ideas and sharing them. I always had things to say, but I never said them. There were always thoughts, ideas, and questions in my head, but others rarely heard them. This wasn’t only the case in debate or in the classroom, I could barely speak to the people around me. Whether it be teachers, classmates, or store associates, I failed to communicate properly. Let me just say, going about daily life is not easy when you can barely order a coffee. I refused to be so afraid. Every day I took baby steps in speaking. Whether it be saying hi to my classmates or ordering food. Little by little I gained confidence and found my voice. This is what I’ve learned: when you’re afraid, you fight it.