My Love-Hate Relationship with Art

Although I am not in the position of a renowned or passionate artist, I like to pride myself on being an individual who is, in fact, very knowledgeable about art. This raw and non-professional recreation of mine is something that I have done in passing over the past few years—but it has now evolved to the point where I only paint, draw, and create at random intervals.

The truth is, I’ve been learning to draw ever since I was a young child. Seven was the youngest age at which I could attend the art program my parents wanted me to join, so I’ve been learning drawing since then.

I’ve been drawing for nearly ten years, which is more than half of my life. I attended art class every Sunday regardless of external factors—there’s no doubt that drawing is a staple in my life. Art is the only hobby that I have spent years perfecting through trial, error, and experience.

However, my journey of learning to draw was not easy. My parents thought it would be beneficial to have art as a skill or as a pastime in the future. Even now, my mother frequently recalls and mentions how learning art has enriched my life; it builds a sense of identity, confidence, and pride. Furthermore, it encourages self-expression through various mediums and creative outlets. Nevertheless, I started off disliking drawing and art class as a kid. Perhaps it might have been a childish tantrum or an early hatred towards a hobby, but I found it hard to commit to drawing as a passion when I started doing it.

The negative feelings I held towards art faded as I got older and better at drawing. When I learned the ropes of drawing, I began branching into various mediums, like oil painting, watercolour, acrylic, pastel, charcoal, and mixed media. About midway through my journey in learning art, when I was about twelve or thirteen, I had a mini revelation that resulted in my mindset changing. I went from thinking that art was far too hard and abstract of a concept to grasp to thinking that there’s no such thing as an easy achievement in the world. Changing my mindset about art made it significantly easier.

When I changed my mindset about art, my world opened up in more ways than I could have imagined. I had a lot of new, fun ways to draw, and I found that I could express myself in more ways than before. I incorporated drawing into my routine, and art class fell into rhythm with my daily life. Inevitably, art became more than just a hobby—it’s an integral part of my identity and life.

After my bumpy start to loving art, there is another factor that frequently disrupts my passion. It is the stem of my love-hate relationship with art itself, and this is the concern of creative block.

A creative block is the inability to access one’s creativity, which results in a lack of motivation, creative output, and inspiration. A creative block is common and can affect an individual for an unspecified amount of time. As an artist, creative block is something I have grown accustomed to after creating art for so long.

As a perfectionist, I rarely feel accomplished and proud of a piece. There is always something to fix, such as using the wrong colour, or my drawing might be disproportionate and perhaps not what I had envisioned. Sometimes I get frustrated and restart a drawing to reach a barely acceptable resolution until I give up entirely.

There are rare instances when I wonder if my passion and creativity will disappear one day, even though I know that my interests and hobbies will change as I grow. But these negative feelings are reasonable due to the creative and abstract nature of art. Art is so open-ended that I sometimes don’t know what I want to do. 

However, the inspiration comes back to me even after a long creative drought, and I remember why I started it in the first place. Even though I had a troublesome start, I grew to enjoy drawing and consider it a part of me, even with all its ups and downs. The passion and sense of accomplishment one has after stepping back to admire an art piece after hours of effort is a feeling that I only get from drawing. I can only think of one thing that will bring me creative freedom and expression like no other, and it’s art.