Developing Self-Esteem in Youth

Most of us have slip ups from time to time, but for some reason we seem to dwell on those mistakes for longer than we should. We allow them to consume us and tear us down slowly. After committing one tiny mistake, like not getting my desired grade, I would begin to doubt myself and subject myself to negative thoughts. I would question my intelligence if I received a 70 percent instead of a 90 percent on an assignment. Thoughts such as: “I’m so dumb,” and “why am I so bad at everything I do,” haunted me. If I answered a question incorrectly in class it tore away at my self-image. I would overthink constantly whether or not I was good at things.  

Instead of getting back up when I fell, I was unable to gather myself. I allowed that negativity to push me down. I believed that since I messed up once, I would mess up again and again. I didn’t put any extra effort into school because I thought I could never improve. I thought that I’d stay “stupid” forever.

When we focus on every feat we didn’t succeed in, we leave little room for self-improvement and self-love. We become self-conscious and insecure in our abilities and ourselves.

This is far from ideal for living a healthy lifestyle. A positive mindset helped me see things differently. Instead of focusing on my mistakes and bringing myself down, I recognized the bad effects of the situation and learned from them.

There was a time when I needed to present a speech I made in English class. We had to write a persuasive text in order to change the audience’s mind. I had noticed I was unprepared, because the other students seemed to have more complete projects than I did. But guess what? I didn’t try to skip my turn. Instead, I realized that there are moments in life where I will not do my best and that’s okay. So, I walked up to the front of the classroom, and I gave my speech as well as I could. There’s no denying that I was anxious and scared. But I still moved past this, and it made me grow as a person. It didn’t affect my confidence even though I exposed myself to something new, because I had been building up my self-esteem little by little. 

Here are things I did to improve my self-esteem and confidence:

1. I stopped comparing myself to others

If you are constantly comparing yourself to others, you will never be satisfied with yourself. I often find myself endlessly scrolling on Instagram or Tiktok. I would get consumed by the media and their unrealistic unachievable standards for beauty and lifestyle. Most of the time, comparing ourselves to others makes us unhappy as we always feel like someone is better than us. Focusing on improving yourself without the senseless comparisons that come along with it will surely boost your self-esteem.

2. I started doing things that made me happy

Stop living for others and start living for yourself. Try to find out what interests you. I don’t allow others to force me to do stuff I don’t enjoy, and I am not afraid of what they think. Be bold and defy others. I remember how life was when I was always trying to please my family. I would lie and tell them I wanted to be a lawyer, when I really wanted to do something different. Or, I would say my favorite subject was math, when it was indeed art. I now try to allow myself to be expressive and free in my thinking and lifestyle. If you are constantly trying to live up to the expectations of others, you will never fulfill their needs, and you’ll always feel like you aren’t enough. So, try to please yourself instead of those around you.

3. I changed the narrative 

We are harsher on ourselves than we should be. We constantly try to bring ourselves down and overthink the things we do. We feel guilty over every single action we take, whether we were in the right or in the wrong. To get rid of this struggle, the best thing to do is to change the narrative you’re writing for yourself. This would mean paying attention to how you describe yourself, focusing on using words with positive connotations. For example, instead of calling yourself sensitive, try empathic or conscientious. Instead of calling yourself stubborn, call yourself headstrong. When I did this, I learnt to love parts of myself I once shamed. I learnt self-acceptance and came to terms with who I am.

4. I started giving myself words of affirmation

Being kind to yourself does do a lot for your esteem. Replacing insults with compliments will make you more comfortable with yourself. I first practiced this by telling myself words of affirmation in the mirror. It may feel weird at first, given you are not used to doing so, but you will get used to it once you practice the habit daily.

Of course, keeping these habits in mind and exacting them will not result in immediate changes in self-esteem. I still have days where I feel less than okay. However, it is important to do these things long term. It helped me work through many difficulties and insecurities. In doing so, I was able to overcome many challenges. I now understand that every situation in life is a new step on my journey, in which I am subjected to trials I must persevere through. Part of the growth process as individuals is to endure many obstacles. When we have low self-esteem, we are not able to support ourselves and these obstacles often fall back on us – crushing us under their pressure. It is highly important to realize our self-worth because if we don’t have faith in ourselves, who’s to say somebody else will?