How I Found My Identity Through Music and Fashion

In high school everyone is trying to figure themselves out, and for me, music and fashion were an integral in helping me find my identity and style. There is a lot of pressure to fit in with everyone else, or even just one defined group of people. My sense of identity was, and still is, constantly developing, and when you’re young and surrounded by new people it’s very daunting to understand.

One of the things I struggled with was trying to figure out how to separate who I am from who I should be in order to fit in with others. There is a strong sense of conformity in my high school and society in general. As a teenager, this is difficult to deal with because there is this idea that you need to fit in to succeed in life; whether that be in your career, social life, or romantic life. So, what happens if, like me, you don’t feel like you align with the current standard of normality?

My advice would be to explore everything. I have never been one to make a concise and determined decision, always unable to decide because I don’t want to limit myself to one thing. This habit manifested itself in the music I like. When I was younger, I never made any effort to develop my own music taste, I just listened to whatever was on the radio or whatever my friends and family would play for me. There was no personal aspect of what I was listening to, and my relationship with music at the time was very surface level, something I liked but nothing more.

When I started to explore music on my own and discover what I enjoy listening to without the influence of others, I found that my taste spanned across many genres and sounds. When I was choosing music myself, I felt more connected to it. Music became much more special.

I listened to anything that I felt resonated with me, instead of just sticking to what was popular with people around me. I found the experience of discovering musicians myself incredibly rewarding because it was entirely my own. I was the one curating what I listened to, and I could figure out myself what I liked and didn’t like without anyone else’s opinion. Figuring out what I liked increased my own confidence.

I often describe my music taste as eclectic, a bit of all genres. There is no singular underlying sound or vibe that is present in what I listen to, I just simply listen to what resonates with me, whether it be shoegaze, indie, K-pop, or punk. Music is something deeply personal to everyone; what they listen to has a reason behind it. During a time in my life when I was experiencing a lot of frustration with the world around me, I discovered punk. It was the genre I had been looking for, and it became an outlet for my negative emotions, to have artists voice my same frustrations with the same amount of anger. And while punk is considered a fairly abrasive genre, it pushes many good messages like the importance of self expression and breaking norms which, at the time, was exactly what I needed to hear. Through exploring my music taste I was able to gain more of an understanding of who I am, what I stand for, and from that, a confidence in my identity.

For a while, before I had truly found my sense of self, I felt like the odd one out everywhere: slightly inauthentic, because I had no real idea of who I was, whilst being surrounded by people who seemed like they knew exactly who they were and who they fit in with. Once I figured out that identity is a complex amalgamation of who we are, not something simple and well-rounded that fits easily into a box, I started to accept myself as I was. I became much happier. I gained more confidence because I was no longer so afraid of sticking out in every group. Realising that I did not need to force myself into one specific identity gave me the freedom I needed to become my most authentic self.

Part of finding my own identity was figuring out how I want to present myself to the world. I never really wanted to dress like everyone else because it didn’t feel authentic to me, and trying to fit in inevitably ended up with me feeling more insecure and unsure of myself. And so, since current minimalist, clean girl trends didn’t feel like they aligned with me, I had to figure out what did. Luckily for me, I have always had an interest in fashion. My way of discovering my personal style, similar to music, was to explore everything. There are so many aesthetics, styles, and subcultures to partake in, and it can be very overwhelming at first. There are so many styles that I love, I found it difficult to choose just one. So, I took inspiration from all the things I liked. I took inspiration from my best friend and how she layers all of her jewelry, musicians I idolized like the K-pop group NewJeans and how they would wear skirts over pants all the time, and strangers’ outfits that I saw at concerts or events and I couldn’t help but want to recreate. My style became a blend of everything I enjoy and the aesthetics from the music I listen to; a little bit of the 70s, a lot of the 2000s, and bits and pieces from alternative subcultures like punk, grunge, and emo.

My favourite thing about fashion is that there is no one way to do it; it is entirely up to the individual. The only thing that matters about what I wear is that I like it, and that it is right to me.

Once I started to choose clothes with my own taste in mind, doing my makeup how I wanted to, and dying my hair the colour I always dreamed of, I started to feel like I was myself, no longer trying to be someone else. Consequentially, my fear of being perceived as inauthentic faded away. When you are dressing purely for yourself, that is the most authentic you could ever be.

I came more into myself as I developed my style because I felt like I was finally able to present myself to the world the way I wanted. I felt confident enough in myself to no longer fear the judgement of others. Since I was being true to myself, their opinions did not matter. I have only become happier since then, and I feel much more confident and comfortable in myself. While not everyone may feel that music and clothes hold the same influence on their sense of self and identity as they do for me, these two ways of expression have really helped me overcome some of my anxieties and insecurities. My takeaway from this journey is that things are always changing, and my identity will continue to be shaped throughout my life. Instead of fearing what that means for my place in society, I should embrace it and go forward in life knowing that as long as I am genuine, my sense of belonging and security in myself will follow.