Living With an Autistic Brother: The Ups and Downs

I may seem just like everyone else on the outside, but one thing that sets me apart from others is the fact that I have an older brother with autism. What exactly is autism, you might ask yourself. Autism spectrum disorder is a brain development disorder that affects how a person perceives and socializes with others. Having autism can result in difficulties with social interaction and communication. There is a wide range of symptoms as well as severity of the disorder. There is Level 1 ASD, where the severity of the disorder isn’t too high. It’s also known as high functioning autism, as people with it can live independently and lead their own lives with some help. However, there is also Level 3 and people diagnosed with it need lots of support and may not be able to live independently or lead a life of their own at all. Usually, by the time people become adults, they move out to lead independent lives. However, my brother who just turned 18 is still living with us, and always will because he needs that assistance. This is the reality of millions of families, whether you know it or not.

It’s different living with an older brother who has autism. I couldn’t experience the same things others my age did, such as having sleepovers or family vacations because of the accommodations my brother needed. Oftentimes, I have to pick him up from his bus and watch him when my parents are out, so in a way, I’ve been given older sister duties that I usually wouldn’t have.

I have extra responsibility and have to take care of him when I would rather be doing fun stuff with my friends. Another thing was that my parents always gave more attention to my brother—rightfully so—as he can’t really express his issues and needs. I’m not saying it’s bad, but sometimes when I wanted to tell my parents something they would brush it off and it made me feel a little lonely. My brother also has meltdowns over the littlest things and he gets very aggressive. It makes my home feel like not a safe place and I always get very stressed when he gets upset. He hits people, hurts himself, throws things down the balcony, and more. The fact that my family lives in a small two-bedroom apartment doesn’t make things better, as there isn’t anywhere to turn. When he has a meltdown, I feel upset and think to myself what my life would look like if I had a normal brother.

The thing is, living with a brother with autism isn’t as rare as you might think. However, all the articles on the web never talk about being a person with a sibling with autism. It’s usually directed to parents trying to navigate raising their child or to other autistic people to not feel so alone. This is great, I’m not trying to undermine that; however, what most narratives fail to remember is that siblings deal with a lot, too. It’s hard to live differently, deal with it all, and be alone. Representation in the media is really important, but often for most topics, there isn’t much being written or spoken about. Knowing that there are others who have siblings with autism, especially severe autism really makes the whole experience less isolating. To be honest, for the longest time I thought that I was the only one dealing with this, making me feel so alone.

I know you may be thinking that I don’t love and appreciate my brother, but that’s untrue. I really love him just the way he is. He’s caring, asks me if I’m okay when I’m upset, and makes me laugh. He’s extremely kind and compassionate – and he’s changed me for the better. I’ve really grown as a person, and it’s all thanks to him. It’s just that sometimes when things get hard, it’s isolating, and I want to show the world that if you have a sibling with autism you’re not alone and all the feelings you’re experiencing are valid. Sometimes, when I’m upset about his meltdowns or get tired of it, I try to write down everything I’m feeling, with no filter. Writing it down helps not to have any resentment left behind. After I write everything down, I read it over, and throw the paper away. To me, it symbolizes letting go of those feelings and starting over. If I get upset at my brother, it’s the wrong thing to do, and I know that. It’s not his fault that he was born like this—he’s a beautiful human being. I love and appreciate him so much, and I’m grateful to be his younger sister. I hope everyone who reads this knows that they’re not alone, lots of people deal with this, and it’ll end up all being okay!