To Be, or Not to Be: An Only Child’s Dilemma

Some people wish they were the eldest child. Some people wish they were the middle. Some wish they were the youngest. I am all three. How is that possible? Well, when you’re an only child…it’s easy!

When people realize for the first time that I have no siblings, I’m met with mixed emotions of pity, envy, and people who just can’t seem to grasp the concept of less than two kids in the house. Many times, I’ve been hit with the not-so-creative phrase, “lonely child.” To all those who think you’re clever and the first ones to come up with that…you’re not. 

For as long as I can remember, people have always asked me, “Do you ever wish you had a sibling?” And for as long as I can remember, my first response had always been “no.” “But you’d have a friend,” they’d say, “You’ll have someone to talk to, someone to back you up in times when it’s too hard, someone to be with you through everything!” And as tempting as that may seem, what people don’t get is you can’t miss something you’ve never had. I’ve never felt as though I desperately needed a sibling. 

When I was young, I never really noticed the fact that I didn’t have any siblings or compared that to anyone else’s life. I used to spend a lot of time with my cousins and friends who all had brothers or sisters.

However, I still never felt, contrary to what many believe, that there was an aching hole in my heart that only the presence of a sibling could relieve. 

No, I have never been distressed or felt as though I’ve been “missing out” in life just because I’m an only child.

I have, of course, wished at times that I had someone close to my age to be with. There have been numerous moments when I’m arguing with my parents and just wish, for a minute, that there was someone else who understood what I was trying to say. There have been numerous moments when I’m nervous to go to an event or a party on my own and just wish I had someone else other than my parents to go with me. There have been numerous moments when I catch snippets of conversations and the relationships my friends share with their brothers and sisters, and think that the only thing that would’ve brought me more happiness is if I had siblings. But now, growing up has made me realize that there is absolutely nothing wrong with being alone. Sometimes, you have to learn to be able to count on yourself. 

There have been so many people who’ve been quick to mention just how sad my “situation” is. The camaraderie I see between my friends and their siblings is something I will never experience. That special bond and connection is something I will only understand conceptually. But, why are people so quick to assume that as a bad thing? 

There are so many positives of being an only child. For instance, there is no sibling rivalry. I am able to live my life and do what I want without being constantly compared – or rather  comparing myself – to someone else. Privacy is also a great aspect which many people overlook. Going about my day without having to continuously yell at someone to get out of my room or deal with people sneaking around to annoy me for no reason is something that, honestly, I cherish a lot. Independence and creativity are also two other character traits that are easier to develop when you’re an only child.

Being left on your own with the world as your personal canvas can lead to many great ideas and opportunities to grow and to learn without having the presence of other distractions.

In addition, there are so many things people with siblings are missing out on. I could get a bag of chips and leave it on the kitchen counter in plain sight, go to take a shower, come back, and it’d still be untouched. There could be one slice of pizza left and guess who that slice would automatically go to? Me. There could be an extra room in my house and the privilege of being able to use that room and do whatever with it, would be given to me. These are so many things that make being an only child amazing and, some may say, better than the ever-present sibling competition and constant fights; but no one ever talks about it. Why? Because it doesn’t matter. Because everyone is so much more than their family of origin. It’s not fair to compare parts of people’s lives that are not in their control or create dramatic speculations about them. 

So now, when people ask me if I ever wanted a sibling, I don’t reply with a simple no or yes. Instead, I say, “I don’t care.” Because at the end of the day, everyone’s experiences make them who they are and personally… I wouldn’t want to be anyone else.