The Quiet Side of Confidence

I can still remember idolising a girl who always put her hand up to answer, even if she was wrong. Why has self-confidence always been defined as strutting into a room and declaring yourself? I know that’s what most people perceive confidence to be: bold, extroverted, maybe even obnoxious, but it’s actually subjective. Quiet confidence exists as well. I’ve spent so long trying to become a loud, overly expressive person, which doesn’t come naturally to me, because it’s been subconsciously engraved in my mind that confidence equals loudness. But what if quiet confidence isn’t the person talking the most, but the one who knows exactly when to speak? What if confidence can be shown in more than one way?

Before making any assumptions of what being confident must look like, it’s important to take into consideration what it actually means. According to the Oxford dictionary, self-confidence is defined as “a belief in your own ability to do things and be successful.” Also, according to the same dictionary, confidence applies to many other qualities. Resilience is defined as “the capacity to recover quickly from difficulties,” which requires confidence in your perseverance. Composure is described as “being in control of oneself,” something that also stems from trusting your abilities. Notice how those attributes directly correlate to confidence? So clearly, confidence is the foundation of both qualities!

Confidence doesn’t require the ability to be extroverted and outspoken, but simply the ability to be secure in the abilities you already have. Once you have that foundation, then you can grow.

As someone who has endured countless pep talks and has been told to “show more confidence,” it was refreshing to know, or rather, realize, that it’s about internal security, not necessarily feeling the need to show it. That’s where true self-confidence begins.

You might be thinking, but what if I want my confidence to show? Strength doesn’t need attention to exist. If you trust yourself, it will come naturally. That part is what you really have to master. You’re doing it right with self-affirmations, ignoring what others think, and really, as cheesy as it sounds, truly believing in yourself. It can show up as not being afraid to answer a question or being confident in the advice you give to your friend. 

How to build Quiet Confidence

So, if confidence is all internal, how do I actually build it? And no, “fake it till you make it” will not work, I’ve tried. If you don’t know where to start, here are some tips to beat self-doubt and strengthen self-confidence.

Affirmations

Come up with statements that truly resonate with you, not just generic phrases.

Example: I trust myself to make the right choices. This is not corny, and it will actually improve my internal confidence.

Practice self-reliance

Make choices independently, even small ones, to reinforce the fact that you have good judgement. Small decisions build quiet confidence over time.

Example: Plan your day without asking for constant validation.

Detect and face your fears

Recognize the moments and situations that intimidate you and approach them. slowly Each time you step out of your comfort zone, internal confidence and reassurance grow.

Example: If you fear public speaking, practice. Start with small presentations to people close to you, then advance to bigger groups.

Don’t listen to the haters

Societal pressures and fearing what other people think is almost always what’s holding people back. To thrive, building self-confidence is key in order to let go of that burden, and people will only start to listen when you act differently.

Example: When making a decision, think about how not caring how people judge you would impact it. See if it would result in a better, happier you, and if making yourself smaller is really worth making sure no one would pass a side eye.

Establish your own opinions

Before feeling the self-assurance to voice your opinions, it’s important to completely trust what you’re saying. That way, the words just flow because you have reinforced them in your head.

Example: If you want to speak out about anything, in a group project or to an overstepping friend, think about a strong stance, and why you want to say something about it. Quiet confidence can help voice strong opinions.

These might seem scary right now, but if you trust in yourself, you’ll find they come naturally.

I want to highlight that confidence doesn’t have to look a certain way. You can show it in your own way. Even if it’s subtle, it can make a huge difference.

Going back to that girl I mentioned in the beginning, the reason she stayed in my mind so long was because I thought confidence only looked like her. Loud confidence has its advantages, but so does quiet confidence. People display confidence in many different ways. Sometimes, being loud and expressive can invoke a reaction. Other times, subtle but strong assurance can do that all the same. When you trust your abilities and make decisions with your own assurance, you inspire, even without trying to impress anyone. By making these choices and being secure for yourself, people notice it. Then respect, admiration, and motivation and even inspiration follow. Confidence doesn’t change who you are, just amplifies it, so even the people in the back can hear it. Your personality is what really shines, and the self-confidence to share it strengthens it.

Confidence is never about being the loudest person in the room. It can be the quiet trust that sits within you, the resilience, the composure, the assurance that you’ll be okay no matter what. It’s built internally, shown naturally, and felt by others without force. Loud confidence can start conversations, but quiet confidence sustains them. A15lways remember, real confidence doesn’t change who you are…it just hands you the mic you’re meant to hold, perfectly molded for your hand.