The Challenges of Having a Twin Unlike Me

People are usually shocked to learn that I have a twin sister. They frequently ask what it’s like to have a twin. The standard “Have you ever switched places?” “Can you feel each other’s pain?” and questions like that. Sometimes, these questions are expressed with such enthusiasm and eagerness that my sister and my responses can come across as somewhat underwhelming. I believe that my sister and I are the sources of that disappointment. As a start, my fraternal twin sister and I are dissimilar from each other and have many visual differences that make us unalike. Since my twin is different from me in that we don’t wear matching clothes or have similar haircuts, I frequently find it difficult to relate to other twins. We try to differentiate ourselves from one another, and not just in terms of appearance. We are in separate classes, have different hobbies, and hang out in different friend groups. 

People believe that we spend a lot of time together and talk to each other a lot, so it surprises them when they find us spending time apart. Having a twin is something we also don’t share often. When asked to share fun facts about myself, I would say, “I am left-handed” or “I have two cats”. The same would apply to my sister because we want to be characterized by more than being twins. People would frequently define my twin and me as a single unit and assume that we are alike, so we are “the same.” I find that it’s unpleasant and uncomfortable to be considered as such.

People would treat us the same way, give us the same or shared gifts, and presume that just because one twin enjoys something, the other twin will too. These kinds of interactions were more evident to me as time passed and they show me that the notion of treating people as individuals can be easily thrown out the window. 

When a shared teacher or new friend was introduced to me, I have noticed that they often treat me the same as they do with my sister. They believe that I know certain things about them because, “My sister and I share everything with each other,” when, apart from a room, we share very little, both in terms of items and stories/knowledge. This is proof that something as simple as meeting new people can be difficult as they may have preconceptions about what one twin is like based entirely on how the other is. I believe that the similarities between my sister and I aren’t because we are twins, but because we have been raised in the same environment. While we have things we do the same because of our nurture, it’s the basis of our nature that makes us who we are, and that makes us unlike each other in any capacity. Our unlikeness is because of the way some of our friends and family treated us as individuals and allowed us to be interested in different things. 

As I got older, they wouldn’t push me to join in the same activities as my sister or be in the same class. My mom pushed and ensured my sister and I would be in different classes. It has been this way since kindergarten. All of this is done so my sister and I are seen, treated, and grow up as individuals. Being a twin has taught me about preconceived notions made before a real encounter and the value of treating others as individuals with their characteristics, interests, and values. It has also given me a perspective that I believe is unique my sister and me as disparate twins and is possibly something other twins can relate to as well.