My Acne Story

“You used to have beautiful skin”

I was used to hearing these words; regardless, they were a reminder of the person I used to be. Since I was thirteen, I’ve had acne. My mom said it was genetics because she still struggled with it, too. It started out on my forehead, but it was nothing too serious. When I went back to school in September for my third year in high school, my acne took a turn for the worse.

Suddenly, I was breaking out on my cheeks and my chin. I was introduced to the terms: blackheads, whiteheads, and cystic acne. When the pimples finally faded, they left ugly red scars that wouldn’t fade for months along with severe hyperpigmentation.

It seemed like an endless cycle that I was desperately trying to stop. I would wake up to a new pimple, spend the next few days or weeks trying to get rid of it, and repeat.

Looking at my friends and the people around me, I often questioned why I was so unlucky. I developed a habit of shielding my face with my hands and being unable to meet someone’s eyes when we spoke. It was easy to admit to myself that acne was the reason why I was so unhappy. I often told myself that if my skin was clear, then maybe I would look better. I would feel more beautiful, and then I wouldn’t have the need to distance myself away from others. These were lies, of course, and as devastating as it sounds, I allowed these lies to lead me down a very dark path.

I indulged myself for hours on the Internet looking for solutions. Top 6 Skincare Products that Actually Work! I couldn’t stop myself. Skincare routine videos flooded my YouTube history, and I found myself constantly reading blog posts about others’ skin transformations after using a specific product or treatment.

In fact, my bathroom counter was often lined up with over-the-counter and prescription “solutions.”

The need to get rid of my acne was suffocating, but at the same time, I also hated all the unsolicited advice that the rest of the world was trying to offer me. It validated all those feelings that everyone was gawking at my skin–my relatives included.

“Drink plenty of water!!” But I do.

“Wash your pillowcase” I already tried that one.

“Have you tried double cleansing?” Check.

Each morning, I left for school with a face covered in concealer and foundation. I felt ashamed that I felt this way about myself, that I needed to hide these blemishes, yet I didn’t want people to see me, at least not like this. In January, I read an article about the surge of the value of the acne medication market in our near future. I realized that I was one of the many people that have allowed themselves to be consumed by the pressures of perfection.

We are living in a time when skincare is talked about quite a bit, and the beauty trend continues to center around having glowy skin and minimal makeup—the “’no makeup’ makeup” and “glass skin” look. The biggest mental hurdle I needed to overcome was fighting the need to fix myself, fix the flaws, and expect immediate results.

I can’t fix all the acne with benzoyl peroxide and salicylic acid. For the first time in years, I didn’t feel like I had to grab my makeup brush. However, that doesn’t mean I will never wear makeup again or that I don’t appreciate the art of enhancing our features with makeup. It was the end of nights obsessing over the condition of my skin and reading about miracle products that made the difference. In closing, I’m saying that I’m done with feeling like I’m never enough. The skin under this foundation is deserving of attention and appreciation.