Letting Your Guard Down: How and Why

Everyone carries a shield. Our shields protect what we don’t want others to see, from our embarrassing secrets to our unpredictable feelings. This isn’t a bad thing. Shields grant us privacy and the space to deal with problems without public scrutiny. They let us engage professionally where a group member, client, or teacher might not need to know about our inner selves. The problem is that shields can become heavy burdens – easy to don yet difficult to remove –with dire effects.

Since shields encourage us to hide unseemly parts of ourselves, we can start to believe that we aren’t worth showing. We might fear how our friends will judge our struggles or how our families will view our ambitions, and decide to hide ourselves underneath our masks.

When it appears that others are doing well, we can unintentionally make our problems worse, thinking, “maybe it’s just me,” or “why can’t I be normal?” Worst of all, when others think we’re fine, opening up becomes more difficult because we don’t want to let them down. This can erode our self-esteem and push us even further into hiding.

If any of this sounds familiar, we have to remember that we aren’t perfect, nor should we expect to be. The joy and satisfaction that the world seems to enjoy while we hide away is, simply put, another shield. Our friends and family may even feel the same way we do.

We need to find and heal the cracks underneath our shields, but that means we have to let down our guard. We may even have problems we haven’t admitted to ourselves.

Maybe we’re doubtful about an upcoming project, hiding something from a friend, or scared to admit an error we’ve made. Even if it seems small or insignificant, every problem should be acknowledged before it grows. Before healing, we must know that we need healing, and be okay with admitting that.

Knowing this takes bravery and patience, so it’ll be hard. We shouldn’t expect to do any of it without help. Yet asking for help means admitting our problems to somebody else – it means letting them see what’s behind our shields.

To make it easier, we can reveal ourselves to somebody close to us, like a best friend or a sibling, who we trust will understand us and provide personal support. Or, if we fear judgement, we can open up to someone distant but knowledgeable, such as a counsellor or a help line.

The anonymity only requires us to admit we need help and safely distances us from the consequences of social judgement. No matter what, we can find help when we begin searching.

In the end, this is a social phenomenon that is driven by us, so we have the power to change it. We can be more forgiving of faults so we can become comfortable with ours and encourage others to follow. We can let others know that we also carry shields, and that they aren’t alone in their struggles. Most importantly, we can let people know that we are willing to listen and help and make it easier to let down our shields.