Being the New Girl

A girl nobody recognizes approaches an unfamiliar building and enters. People take in her perfect appearance, asking her questions about who she is and where she is from. This is exactly how I pictured my first day at my new high school was going to be like. I walked in and nobody approached me, I didn’t even get a second glance. For me, it was an unfamiliar feeling. I came from a very small prep school, which I had been attending since my diaper days. My friends there were my family and the school itself was my home away from home. It was my safe place and, when I was informed that I no longer had the option of attending that school, I was heartbroken. No more chicken parmesan lunches, no sweaty gym classes on our turf, but on the bright side, no more stiff blazers. I was going to public school. I got chills just thinking about it but I eventually adjusted.

I came to really love my new school. I felt a sense of belonging that I’d never felt before. This feeling didn’t happen overnight  and I constantly found myself feeling unmotivated and believed I would never be happy at school again.

The following tips I am about to share with you are tricks I wish I knew before I started at my new school.

1. Clean Up your Profiles

Let’s be real, a first impression nowadays is not just a simple hello and a handshake. I guarantee that your new classmates will find you on social media and will judge you based on what is posted there. You want your profile to represent yourself in the best possible way. If you want your new social circles to know you’re athletic, make sure you post all of your best pictures from the soccer field. Or maybe you want to upload an amazing candid of you singing the national anthem at your recital. If your profile is not representing you the way you want your friends to see you, then you have to take action to clean it up.

2. Take a Break from the Screen

I get it, when you’re sitting alone in the hallway during your first week in a new school, you’re going to want to pretend to text someone on your phone so people don’t think you’re lonely. But you need to face the facts: you are lonely. If you are busy scrolling through meaningless posts on Instagram while sitting in the hallway, nobody will bother approaching you. They will think you’re too busy or too intimidating to talk to. It’ll be extremely difficult, but try just sitting and observing your peers around you. This makes you seem approachable and somebody is much more likely to come up to you.

I tried this tip around my third day and eventually I heard “hey, you’re in my math class right?” A human was finally talking to me! That girl introduced me to her friends and they ended up being really amazing and genuine people.

I am still good friends with them all. I would have missed this opportunity if instead I had been looking down at my screen.

3. Become Best Friends with your GPA

It can be difficult not to become hung up on not making new friends instantly. Never give up on making new friends, but don’t forget why you’re at school in the first place: to gain an education and a diploma. It is always a plus to find friends along the way but at the end of the day, you are there for school. I was so focused on developing a game plan to nail a solid group of friends I forgot the importance of doing my homework and studying. My grades took a huge tumble from ninth grade and that really opened my eyes. With having nobody to interact with during class I was forced to actually pay attention to the teachers’ lessons. I started taking advantage of my new found independence and learned how to study and do my homework alone. Because of this experience, I have gone back to being the straight A student.

4. Stay in Touch with your Old Friends

It doesn’t have to be goodbye, it can be see you soon. In my case specifically, I changed schools but I didn’t move to a new neighbourhood. This means I was still driving distance from all of my old friends and I knew I really wanted to take advantage of this. Any time I felt down or lonely I would text my old friends to hang out. And to be honest, the move had made me appreciate them more than I had before. Seeing them now is a privilege and not an everyday occurrence. Because of this, I came to appreciate their presence even more.

I grew up with these kids and I knew I could never drift apart from them because they are my family. They’ve seen me through my darkest days and helped shine light into my life. I couldn’t let myself forget them and I always make the effort to see them.

You can’t expect them to always reach out so take it into your own hands and invite them all to an outing yourself.

5. Befriend your Teachers

This is a weird one. Most teenagers roll their eyes at the sound of teachers. I used to be one of these people until I put aside my ego and took the initiative to get to know them. Having no friends at my new school, I turned to my teachers for comfort. And honestly, some of them are really cool people. If you take the time to listen to their amazing experiences and stories you can really learn from them. Befriending your teachers can make the difference between an 89 and a 90, and you will always have someone to talk to when you feel lonely. My first new teacher taught history, and he is one of the coolest people I have ever met. I think I know more about his life than all of my grandparents’ lives put together. He made sure I was feeling comfortable in his class so I never felt lonely or awkward. I highly recommend this tip.

6. Get Involved

This is the oldest tricks in the book: getting involved at school will help you a lot. It is your chance to meet new people while doing something you love. For me, it was playing different sports. This helped me create a name for myself. If you are looking to finally be noticed by your peers, this is the way to do it. A year ago I was in a serious field hockey injury and broke my nose. Because of this incident I now have to wear a really embarrassing face mask when I play and it’s awkward because no one else does. I felt really self-conscious until one day, a girl approached me in the hallway and asked, “You’re the girl with the mask who played in yesterday’s field hockey game, right? Good job!” It made me feel so happy to finally be acknowledged as part of the student body and this can happen if you just take the initiative to get involved. Join the environmental club or try out for the lead flutist!

7. Invite Yourself

It’s not always rude to just invite yourself. Your friends are very new to you and it may be easy to forget that you are new to them, too. They feel intimidated or scared to invite you places because they don’t know you well enough. I met a kind girl in my careers class and as we were getting ready to leave for lunch at the end of class I approached her.

My hands were dripping with sweat and I asked if I could sit with her at lunch. Before this I had eaten alone in the cafeteria. She smiled and said, “of course!” I nervously sat down in a hallway with her and her friends, none of whom I knew by name. Turns out, they were some of the funniest, coolest, and nicest kids I had ever met.

They were so inclusive and I felt very comfortable with them. I would have never met them if I didn’t take the initiative to just ask the girl if I could sit with her at lunch.

I hope these 7 tips really help you on your journey. It can be sad and scary but I promise that with a little grit, perseverance, and motivation everything will get better. Don’t expect these tricks to work in a week, they will take time but eventually you will adapt.