The Power of Saying No

I never realized the magnitude a simple word could hold. One word. Two letters. Though often associated with negativity, it has brought immense joy to my life. 

My whole life, I have never felt I had a right to this word. Whether because I am a Canadian, living up to the stereotype of politeness, or because I was a young girl conditioned to be proper, the word “no” always seemed reserved for others. I survived by people-pleasing, believing I would attract more friends and eventually shape myself to fit in. In reality, this hindered my ability to understand true kindness, becoming lost in the only identity I knew. This year, my distorted understanding of pleasing others started to deteriorate, and I learned the liberating feeling of saying no. 

Group work is always tricky. Sometimes the leadership is strong and streamlined, boosting the efficiency of all individuals. Often, however, teammates face problems with conflicting ideas and work ethics. After two years of competing as a pair, my frequent distress kept gnawing at my decision to make a disheartening choice. Our clashing schedules made it virtually impossible to meet and work on these projects, let alone the fact that we both had too many ideas and no follow-through. At the end of the year, I brought up the topic of choosing different partners and our breakup was a mutual decision. While the pitiful looks from other students threatened my ego with each glance, I eventually learned this was the best choice. Although I will forever cherish our partnership, breaking off from a lacklustre team was the spark that would transform my long-term desires into reality and create new opportunities for growth. 

Learning to say no has also helped me embrace mistakes when facing new experiences. A fear of embarrassment had molded my quiet demeanour.

Ever since I was young, I was so adamant to avoid strangers and unfamiliar places that crying fits were a common occurrence. Although my memories of childhood are not as clear now, I still feel that bitter anguish every time I am afraid of trying something new. 

Despite my fear of looking foolish, I have always sought admiration and confirmation of my abilities. I thrived when other people spoke kindly about my artistic abilities or dance recital performances. As I grew older, external validation diminished, making me only crave it more. Classmates, strangers, and even friends have told me to quit whatever I was not good at. Without the surface-level praise, I became washed in my own skin, constantly filled with dread and a lack of motivation. 

I finally understand the little girl whose overwhelming anxiety of looking foolish always crushed her excitement to explore new things. I want to tell her that her fear of growing up turned out to be a blessing. Instead of letting others’ approval guide me, I said no to giving up. Between making silly bets for higher grades with friends and becoming more humorous simply by embracing my flaws, I finally felt like I fit into the school dynamic. I couldn’t give up the things that made me, me.

Unexpectedly, this determination is why I have become more confident. My happiness arose not by conforming to social norms but by feeling comfortable in my own skin. 

No matter your current life situation, I hope my story solidifies the freedom of saying no and the willingness to embrace new experiences. Do not let your kindness overtake your true feelings. Embrace anger. Feel disappointed. Let those feelings guide more educated decisions to find a community where you can prosper and grow. Realize that no matter age, ethnicity, gender identity, or social class, we all have the human right to say no and protect our physical, mental, and spiritual well-being. While I am still actively learning from new experiences, I can confidently express that each milestone, and setback, allows me to become a stronger person. Even something as small as finding a new partner for a high-school competition leads to significant outcomes!