How Perfectionism Affected Me and How I Overcame It

Have you ever felt the need to impress your parents, peers, and the people around you? As a teenager, I live in environments with people who hope I do well in the future. With university acceptance rates declining because of how many students are racing ahead or showcasing extreme skills and passions, my own recognition for smaller capabilities decreases in value. And as the years go on, I wonder if I’ll even be able to get into a good university. Every goal seems to be too far for my own arms to reach. Not only that, my parents know I have to stand out for universities to accept me, and for me to get scholarships. Because of the amount of pressure I felt, as well as my habit of overthinking, I went through a period of being the “perfect” student, which lead being buried under stress. 

My parents work in jobs that pay minimum wage or just a bit more than minimum wage. It’s true that my parents are able to pay the bills and generally get by, but what they really hope is for me to be accepted into a good university. With a proper education, I can get a good job to support myself and perhaps future generations. Because my mother has sacrificed so much for me, I want to repay her (and everyone) for all the time and effort they spent on me throughout my childhood. 

Unfortunately, everything seems to be in my way to reach the top. Every day, when I go home, I end up staring at the pile of homework and extracurricular courses stack up on my desk. The problem starts when the work doesn’t go the way I want it to. Even when I have the energy and motivation to do the work, I am never satisfied with the results. And as the months go on, I tear myself down every time I get a score that is below the goal that I had set for myself. This causes a decrease in my motivation, yet the stress for higher marks never goes away; it only increases. All this pressure leads to me having anxiety. 

I start feeling like everyone is judging me as I continue to compare my own marks with my peers.

When I do receive marks around 90%, my parents act as if that is what I should be getting every day. Their attitudes cause me to feel really insecure about my grades. For a while, no matter how hard I worked on an assignment, my thoughts continuously nagged me about how my work was not “perfect.” The thought of not living up to my parents’ expectations frightens me. 

Working on projects with other students isn’t the easiest thing for me to do. Usually, the other group members and I have different ideas of what a good project will be. This can frustrate me because I’ll put in a lot of effort to get a good grade, while the rest of the group doesn’t do their share of work. Sometimes I even end up doing their parts as well as my own. However, one day, one of my teachers called me out for not communicating well with my group and doing all the project parts myself. I was taken aback on how I was the one in trouble for working when they were not helping and putting in any effort. 

That day, I locked myself in my room to reflect on what had happened. It realized that even though it was their fault for not helping, it was also my fault. I was too focused on how I wanted the project to go rather than listening to anyone else’s suggestions. Instead of asking the other group members to help me or assigning them tasks to do, I took the initiative to do all the work by myself. Even though I already did enough, I still placed the burden on my shoulders, thinking I was in this alone. I didn’t give others a chance to express their own opinions and thoughts. I did all the work just so it would be “perfect.”

After that, I tried to take on less work by allowing others to help me when needed. I took breaks between work sessions instead of procrastinating and stressing over it. That way, I can relax instead of burning through the work in a tired state. I also tried to find hobbies that could help me relieve my anxiety against any tormenting thoughts. At night, I still get sudden feelings of fear, but it’s slowly getting better, especially after finding several ways to cope. For example, I love listening to music. Whether it’s energetic or soothing, music really helps lighten up my mood. I figure out that by listening to music, it lowers my anxiety rate.

Another way I reduce stress is by diving into the wonders of magic. I enjoy reading fantasy or suspenseful novels while letting music flow in the background.

Reading is a way for me to escape reality and take time for myself. Sometimes, I’ll relax by taking a stroll around a nearby park. This helps me connect with the nature around me while breathing in the fresh air to clearing my mind. Doing this on a daily basis slowly helps me take in the present moment. 

I really appreciate the amount of effort that my parents have put into me, so that I can reach a wonderful future without suffering like they did. However, sometimes it gets too stressful, and it puts me in an anxious position. All this pressure led me to being a socially-prescribed perfectionist who aims way too high to satisfy others, but now I know that I’m not in this alone. I can ask for help and find ways to relieve my anxiety. Being a perfectionist helps make me pay attention to small details, but it is important to not go overboard. The “perfect” image does not exist, and the only way to reach such heights is by improving myself and knowing my own limits.