Failing Forward: How to Handle Failure

Many people live their lives in fear of failing. They view it as something to be ashamed of and avoided at all costs. Yes, the idea of failing can be terrifying, and failure itself is not a fun experience. I understand that as much as anybody. I’ve experienced my fair share of failure, from losing competitions to low test scores; I am no stranger to the crushing feeling of defeat that many people have learned to detest. What many people don’t know, though, is that by embracing failure instead of shying away from it, you are already on the path to becoming a better, more successful person. Failure is a great thing that can help us grow if handled in the right way.  

Acknowledge Your Failure

After experiencing failure, you will likely feel a range of negative emotions, including anger, sadness, frustration, and regret. You may also be tempted to avoid the situation. This could mean avoiding discussions about it; refraining from activities, people, or places that remind you of your failure; and refusing to think about or even feel it altogether.

However, the first step to handling your failure effectively is to accept it. Allow yourself to feel sad and release all your emotions.

It is always healthier to express yourself rather than bottling everything up. Accept that you made a mistake and didn’t do as well as you had hoped and forgive yourself for it. No one is perfect. It is the imperfections and mistakes that make us human.

Learn from Your Mistakes

As Thomas Edison once said, “I have not failed, not once. I’ve discovered ten thousand ways that don’t work.” An essential part of handling failure is to view it as a learning opportunity. 

For the last two years, I have attended the provincial music festival, but in both years, I failed to place in the top three, despite truly believing I would. Initially, I was sad and disappointed, but I later reviewed the adjudicator’s comments and discussed the competition with my professor, which helped me identify areas for improvement. By doing so, I learned that I needed to develop a stronger stage presence through incorporating more emotion and dynamics into my playing! This realization allowed me to perform better in later performances, competitions, and exams.

After experiencing a mistake or shortcoming, take time to reflect on what has just happened, and ask yourself questions: Why did this happen? What could have been done differently? How did this make me feel? This may feel uncomfortable, or even painful, to think back on your failure, but trust me, it will be worth it. By examining your past mistakes with a critical and analytical mindset, you can identify both your strengths and weaknesses, better preparing you for future situations. With each failure, you are learning something new, making you one step closer to success.

Process > Result

The knowledge and experience gained throughout the process are far more valuable than the result. 

After my “failure” at the provincial music festival, I felt inferior to my other competitors, who may have performed better, and the results of the event made me believe I was a worse piano player. But over time, I realized I could not let failure undermine my efforts. I had spent weeks preparing for the competition, typically practicing for over two hours a day. I would analyze my playing, as well as incorporate my piano teacher’s advice and suggestions into my daily playing. Even though I did not receive an exceptional mark, this could not erase the time and effort I had put in, or all I had learned 

No matter the result, failure cannot take away all the knowledge and experience you have gained, and it cannot undermine your efforts.

Believe in Yourself

In my grade 8 year, I attended a provincial math competition with high hopes of winning. But when they announced the winners, I hadn’t even placed. For me, these results were nothing short of soul-crushing. I felt terrible and soon began doubting my abilities and self-worth. I was ashamed of the competition’s result and angry with myself for not performing as well as I could have. I wanted nothing more than to go back in time and undo my mistakes. Even now, as I think back on the experience, I still feel a lingering sense of anger, frustration, and insecurity. My failure made me believe I was a worse person than I was before.

Eventually, with the help of others and lots of self-reflection, I regained my self-esteem and better understood my situation. The truth is, a low test score or a bad ranking does not make you any less capable, able, or worthy than anyone else. A singular misstep or shortcoming does not have the right to shape your entire identity. Your failure is not what defines you; it is your efforts and determination that do.

In conclusion, failure is not something to be feared. It is an opportunity to learn, grow, and ultimately succeed. Your past failures serve as stepping stones for your future success, so each mistake, shortcoming, and disappointment is getting you closer to your goal. Sure, it can be scary, undesirable, and overall terrifying, but when handled correctly, failure can benefit you in ways that success never would.